I am the President of the Wooster Street Branch of the Australian League of Simpletons.

We simpletons do not believe that carbon dioxide has any adverse effect whatsoever on the climate – none. On the other hand, we believe that carbon dioxide is beneficial to all plant life everywhere through the marvel of photosynthesis.

Plant life in turn benefits all mammals as it releases oxygen. All decent scientists agree with us, as they are appalled at a decision of The Australian Society of Vandals, (otherwise known as The Labor Party), to inaugurate an ETS which will tax us into industrial oblivion.

On the other hand we have the Leader of the Australian Society of Dills, (also known as The Liberal Party), who want to install their own brand of inauspicious anti-industrial EMS. The leader of The Dills could not win an election even if they were the only party for whom we could vote.

Then we have the Australian Society of Rationalists, (also known as The National Party). They share the views of we simpletons. Their chief spokesman is Barnaby Joyce and a few other rational politicians. They are the only ones we simpletons would feed.

Ronald Kitching