To reduce the number of dead ducks found in oils sands tailings ponds, I propose Syncrude construct an array of wind turbines around the margins of the tailings ponds.

Ducks would be humanely shredded by green-friendly blades and fall to the Earth where they would form neat piles that could be retrieved using carbon neutral electric vehicles. The carcasses would have less contamination and could be served in the Syncrude cafeteria in building 41-B, thus reusing the carbon that would have been released into the atmosphere had the ducks been left to decay in the wild. Electricity from the wind turbines could be used to cook the birds.

Boats for duck recovery would become unnecessary, the ducks would not be coated in oil and Greenpeace could feel happy that the collection vehicles are recharged by power supplied by the bird shredders.

For the entertainment of “greens” all over the world, web cameras could watch in awe as the ducks fly into the collection area. This would reduce the need for smug, self-satisfied hypocrites to burn oil sand-derived fuel up to Fort McMurray to protest for the benefit of jet-set fuel-wasters such as David Suzuki, Al Gore and James Cameron.

I am all for alternative energy, but to rely on the wind, for cities, is just plain stupid. Not a single fossil fuel plant has been made obsolete by the present subsidized wind power. As long as hospitals expect 24-hour power, we will need proper power plants.

Richard Haley
Edmonton
Canada

First Published:

http://www.edmontonjournal.com/business/duck+death+proposal/3775063/story.html